Wednesday was a good day turned bittersweet when Ian and I spent the day in Woodstock, NY, my hometown from 1991 – 1998. I hadn’t been there since August (it’s about an hour’s drive away, and schedules and obligations keep me from going there often) so I was glad for the chance for a day-trip get-away on a nice early-Spring day.
I’ve always felt a special affinity for Woodstock, even before my ex and I moved there. To me, it’s the perfect combination of culture and nature - an artist’s colony since the early 1900s and a center for music, film, theatre, and art, in the midst of the Catskill Mountains. The town gave its name to the famed 1969 Woodstock Festival, although it actually was held 40 miles away in Bethel. And Saugerties, Woodstock’s neighboring town, hosted the 25th anniversary festival.
Though my ex and I both commuted to work in Poughkeepsie, Woodstock always felt like home to me. My ex and I bought a contemporary-style house across from the Millstream, and had a 1970s VW bus, named “Stella Blue,” from the Grateful Dead song. We had three cats – Rasta, my black long-haired kitty soulmate; Frazzle, our high-strung calico; and Munequita (Mooney), our rescued gray tabby.
Looking back, I was most content on my days off alone. I would spend warm days writing at the picnic table on the front deck, with the rushing Millstream in the background. I’d walk down wooded backroads, and do errands and shopping in town, sometimes by myself and sometimes with visiting friends or family. In the winter, I’d curl up with a blanket, the cats, and a book or my writing – music provided the soundscape for snow falling on the skylights and outside the windows. Even though we weren’t as socially connected to the community as those who worked there full-time or were longtime residents, I felt like a Woodstocker. And I felt that I had plenty of time to become part of the community; I’d found my home.
So I was devastated at losing my home and my town when my ex left – I couldn’t afford to live there on my own, so we sold the house and I moved back to Poughkeepsie, near my family and job. I don’t miss him, but I miss my house and I miss Woodstock. And I feel like I left an essential part of myself there.
I’ve gone back several times each year, for day-trips with Ian and friends – to see bands, plays, and art shows. When Rasta died, Ian and I scattered his ashes in the Millstream across from my house. The town has changed little by little over time, with favorite shops and business gone and new ones in their places. But the feeling of Woodstock stays the same.
On Wednesday, Ian wanted to go to the Center for Photography at Woodstock, to submit an entry of images for their Photography Now exhibition, opening in June. So we stopped there first, and looked at the current exhibit of photos, and then decided to get pizza for lunch. Unfortunately, Woodstock Pizza, a longtime hub of the Village Green, has closed, so we went to Catskill Mountain Pizza, in the old Cumberland Farms building, on Mill Hill Road. It had great pizza, and a funky-hippie atmosphere, with old posters on the walls and a Grateful Dead live concert as background music. Different place, different time, different partner, yet it almost felt so much like 15 years ago.
The pull of nostalgia carried me through town, as I reminded Ian of the many changes. The Flying Watermelon, a cool T-shirt and Woodstock memorabilia shop on the Green, is now a real estate office. A CVS now occupies the space that had once been Grand Union, the only grocery store in the village – we remembered the furor it caused several years ago. I’m so glad that Not Fade Away, the tie-dye shop that’s a hallmark of Woodstock, still seems to be thriving. But it’s now in the building that used to be the Joyous Lake, a popular nightclub for many years. If I still lived there, the mutation of the town would have seemed gradual and not as jarring to me.
But the more things change, the more they stay the same. Skateboarders and a graying, long-haired guitarist were enjoying the warm weather on the Green. People were walking dogs everywhere. And when we stopped at Bread Alone for coffee and pastries, we were glad to see a stream of customers going in and out. A car passed us as we walked on Millstream Road, a cloud of pot smoke mixed with the exhaust. A sign outside of a house advertised “Pet Massages”. That’s always been the spirit of Woodstock to me.
It’s always hardest to see my house, and to walk along the Millstream. I thought of Rasta, and how he’s forever a part of there, as well as forever a part of me. As Ian took some photographs, I asked him to take a surreptitious picture of the house. The wooden railroad tie fence still goes along the edge of the yard. And the dirt driveway and the rustic garage are still there. But the new owners have closed in the front deck, and it completely changes the architectural lines of the house. And they’ve let the rhododendron and azalea bushes grow tall and stalky. Even the number on the mailbox has changed – the residences of Woodstock must have been renumbered, like they were throughout Poughkeepsie several years ago.
As I squinted in the sunlight, I could almost see my house as it was, superimposed over the house as it is now. And I could picture my younger and more idealistic self, writing on the deck, long hair frizzy and pre-dreaded, wearing a rainbow-colored tie-dye and Birkenstocks. If she had looked into the sun at that moment, would she have been able to see through the years, to see me, and know that it was the future me, wistfully looking across the street? She would have probably assumed that I was locked out, but that’s literally true.
And if I could somehow cross the border of time as easily as crossing the street, could I face my past self? What would I say to her? I would tell her that I’m sorry I couldn’t stay in Woodstock, and I would explain why. I would warn her not to trust the seeming stability and security of a marriage contract, because contracts can be broken. I would tell her to gain more independence, with a driver’s license and a private savings account, and to find a better, more lucrative job, while still working on writing dreams, so she would be able to afford to keep the house on her own. Because contentment turned into the emptiness of complacency, instead of the stronghold of self-reliance that I really needed. If my past self had been able to visualize the possibility of being locked out of home, and out of town in the future, things might have turned out very differently, and Ian and I might be living together in my house now.
But time only moves in one direction in this life, so I can’t go back. And I wouldn’t want to go back if it meant revisiting the unhappiness of living with my ex anyway. So instead, I can look to the future and the possibility of living in Woodstock again.
I think I’ve almost convinced Ian that Woodstock would be a good place for him as well as me. There’s a thriving art scene, with CPW, the Woodstock Artists Association, and many galleries in town. And the beauty of the woodsy mountain setting could be very inspiring for his photography. Ian agreed that’s it a beautiful place, when we took a hike along the stream on the Comeau Trails, across from the town hall.
Of course, any move takes a lot of thought and planning. There are things I would do differently this time. I wouldn’t want to have to commute to a job in Poughkeepsie, so I’d want to consider different job possibilities. And Ian would probably want a different job, too. It’s not possible to live in my house again, but we could find and make a new home for ourselves. We would have to rent a place, but I know there are affordable rentals in town. And I was a renter before becoming a homeowner in Woodstock – it was a good way to get a feeling for living there before deciding to buy a home.
I think that living in Woodstock again would help me find the part of myself I’d left behind. I think I’d find some of the happiness and contentment that was left there, too. Living in the right place, that gives a sense of belonging, is important to most people. It would make the right difference in my life. All I know is that I would feel like I’m home again.
And who knows – maybe on another bright sun-filled day in the not-too-far future, I might encounter my past self, on the Village Green or walking along the Millstream. And I know I wouldn’t have to explain anything to her this time.
Except maybe how I did my hair in dreadlocks.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Right About Time - February Shop Talk
Yesterday was my day off, and I devoted it to writing. In the morning, Michelle and I went to SCBWI’s Shop Talk meeting at Barnes & Noble. It was right about time to rejoin the group – I’ve only been to one meeting in the past five months. Granted, they were on hiatus in November and December, because B & N doesn’t host meetings or events during the busy holiday season. And last month I was at the SCBWI writing conference in NYC with Kim. So it’s not as bad as it seems. Still, I’m glad for the motivation and camaraderie of the group each month.
Barbara Wells, the Eastern NY regional director, moderated the discussion. She said that Shop Talk takes the form of the people who are here each time. We had a small but lively group, with regular participants and a few newcomers. Each brought something interesting to the session.
Barbara, Kim and I had all been to the NY conference, and we talked about the positive messages that we took away from the editors’ and agents’ presentations and question and answer sessions. I felt that the editors and agents gave a balance of realism and hope – even though publishers and agencies are economizing and downsizing their staffs and book acquisitions, there is still room and a need for well-written, unique stories that speak to readers. Kim said she heard several editors say that they look for authors who have a distinct voice, and if they feel a connection with an author’s voice, they’ll go out of their way to work with that author, even if the writing isn’t 100% perfect – the writing can always be improved through the editing process. Barbara said the publishing professionals stressed that children’s publishing is still doing well, and it’s helping to maintain the vitality of publishing in general. Even if people are cutting back on expenses, they won’t scrimp on their kids, especially on books for their kids.
The Hudson Valley conference is coming up on June 13th, and Barbara gave us some details about it. The keynote speaker will be Linda Sue Park (www.lindasuepark.com), award-winning author of middle-grade and picture books. I’m familiar with her books – several of her titles are frequently on school summer reading lists, and A Single Shard is in the Newbery Award section of the B & N kids’ department. But I haven’t actually read any of her books yet. But there are a few months before the conference, so I’ll have some time to catch up on them. Archer’s Quest sounds especially interesting – it’s about a modern-day boy who encounters a time-traveling archer from ancient Korea, and tries to help him get back home. Time-travel is one of my favorite topics to read and write about, so I’ll read this one first. I’ll make sure to write my thoughts about it in a future blog when I’m done.
There will be a major change with the manuscript critiques this year. In the past, writers who wanted to have their work critiqued by an editor, agent, or author would first send in the critique fee along with their registration. If they were notified that they got a critique, then they would send in their manuscript as soon as possible. But some applicants sent in their work late, and that made it hard for the conference committee to place the manuscripts with the appropriate readers. (I have to admit I was guilty of that one year, but that was because I was feeling stressed out over some family health problems, and writing deadlines weren’t on my mind then. But even though I sent my manuscript in late, I was matched with an author who gave me some excellent professional feedback, so it worked out well.) But this year, the 15-page manuscript must be sent in along with the critique fee. I do think that’s a good idea, because it will make the critique placement much easier for the conference planners. I think I’ll send in my first chapter of What Luck again and see how it fares this time. Barbara said they will post the registration information on the regional website in the next few weeks. So I’ll be looking out for it.
Roxanne said she’s been submitting pieces to magazines and working on her website, www.roxannewerner.com. I hadn’t checked it out in awhile, but I just looked at it, and I think it’s great. It expresses her creativity well, with bright graphics; links to her favorite writing websites; a list of her published pieces; and samples of a couple of her stories. In her bio, she says she spends her “free time lost in my imagination.” I can relate to that – I’m always daydreaming! Roxanne has also started a blog, www.roxannewerner.spaces.live.com. It’s a nice companion to her website – I read her entries, and now I have to figure out how to add comments on them. I’ve used a computer for nearly 10 years now, but somehow I still feel challenged by the seemingly-simplest things!
Two of the writers in the group shared their picture book manuscripts, and several of us gave them feedback. Jennifer, a 3rd-grade teacher, shared a humorous and cute farm story about a hungry hen that keeps following a little boy as he visits the barnyard animals. She was new to the group – I think it was brave of her to let us hear her work. I’ve been attending the group for nearly two years, and I’ve only read my work once. (But I feel uncomfortable reading my writing aloud to just about everyone.) Shiloh, who was there for the second time, shared her story of a little girl who wants a puppy, and learns about the responsibilities of pet ownership. I enjoyed both stories, and gave a bit of feedback, even though picture books aren’t my forte. Kim, Barbara, Roxanne and Michelle are more familiar with picture book writing, and they all stressed that the best picture books aren’t too descriptive – the illustrator should have some room to add some creative vision to the story. But writing economically, with the right, well-placed words, is the key to good writing, no matter what the age group or genre. I tend to ramble (in talking and writing) so that’s something I want to remember.
After, Michelle and I had lunch with Kim and Roxanne in the café, and continued our writing discussion. And Kim encouraged me to fight the urge to keep rewriting the first part of What Luck and just write a rough draft until it’s finished. She promised to bug me with online messages to help me keep going. I appreciate that – I need to stay on track until the book is finally done! It would be a great accomplishment if I could finish it by the June conference. So that’s my new goal – I hope I make it!
Barbara Wells, the Eastern NY regional director, moderated the discussion. She said that Shop Talk takes the form of the people who are here each time. We had a small but lively group, with regular participants and a few newcomers. Each brought something interesting to the session.
Barbara, Kim and I had all been to the NY conference, and we talked about the positive messages that we took away from the editors’ and agents’ presentations and question and answer sessions. I felt that the editors and agents gave a balance of realism and hope – even though publishers and agencies are economizing and downsizing their staffs and book acquisitions, there is still room and a need for well-written, unique stories that speak to readers. Kim said she heard several editors say that they look for authors who have a distinct voice, and if they feel a connection with an author’s voice, they’ll go out of their way to work with that author, even if the writing isn’t 100% perfect – the writing can always be improved through the editing process. Barbara said the publishing professionals stressed that children’s publishing is still doing well, and it’s helping to maintain the vitality of publishing in general. Even if people are cutting back on expenses, they won’t scrimp on their kids, especially on books for their kids.
The Hudson Valley conference is coming up on June 13th, and Barbara gave us some details about it. The keynote speaker will be Linda Sue Park (www.lindasuepark.com), award-winning author of middle-grade and picture books. I’m familiar with her books – several of her titles are frequently on school summer reading lists, and A Single Shard is in the Newbery Award section of the B & N kids’ department. But I haven’t actually read any of her books yet. But there are a few months before the conference, so I’ll have some time to catch up on them. Archer’s Quest sounds especially interesting – it’s about a modern-day boy who encounters a time-traveling archer from ancient Korea, and tries to help him get back home. Time-travel is one of my favorite topics to read and write about, so I’ll read this one first. I’ll make sure to write my thoughts about it in a future blog when I’m done.
There will be a major change with the manuscript critiques this year. In the past, writers who wanted to have their work critiqued by an editor, agent, or author would first send in the critique fee along with their registration. If they were notified that they got a critique, then they would send in their manuscript as soon as possible. But some applicants sent in their work late, and that made it hard for the conference committee to place the manuscripts with the appropriate readers. (I have to admit I was guilty of that one year, but that was because I was feeling stressed out over some family health problems, and writing deadlines weren’t on my mind then. But even though I sent my manuscript in late, I was matched with an author who gave me some excellent professional feedback, so it worked out well.) But this year, the 15-page manuscript must be sent in along with the critique fee. I do think that’s a good idea, because it will make the critique placement much easier for the conference planners. I think I’ll send in my first chapter of What Luck again and see how it fares this time. Barbara said they will post the registration information on the regional website in the next few weeks. So I’ll be looking out for it.
Roxanne said she’s been submitting pieces to magazines and working on her website, www.roxannewerner.com. I hadn’t checked it out in awhile, but I just looked at it, and I think it’s great. It expresses her creativity well, with bright graphics; links to her favorite writing websites; a list of her published pieces; and samples of a couple of her stories. In her bio, she says she spends her “free time lost in my imagination.” I can relate to that – I’m always daydreaming! Roxanne has also started a blog, www.roxannewerner.spaces.live.com. It’s a nice companion to her website – I read her entries, and now I have to figure out how to add comments on them. I’ve used a computer for nearly 10 years now, but somehow I still feel challenged by the seemingly-simplest things!
Two of the writers in the group shared their picture book manuscripts, and several of us gave them feedback. Jennifer, a 3rd-grade teacher, shared a humorous and cute farm story about a hungry hen that keeps following a little boy as he visits the barnyard animals. She was new to the group – I think it was brave of her to let us hear her work. I’ve been attending the group for nearly two years, and I’ve only read my work once. (But I feel uncomfortable reading my writing aloud to just about everyone.) Shiloh, who was there for the second time, shared her story of a little girl who wants a puppy, and learns about the responsibilities of pet ownership. I enjoyed both stories, and gave a bit of feedback, even though picture books aren’t my forte. Kim, Barbara, Roxanne and Michelle are more familiar with picture book writing, and they all stressed that the best picture books aren’t too descriptive – the illustrator should have some room to add some creative vision to the story. But writing economically, with the right, well-placed words, is the key to good writing, no matter what the age group or genre. I tend to ramble (in talking and writing) so that’s something I want to remember.
After, Michelle and I had lunch with Kim and Roxanne in the café, and continued our writing discussion. And Kim encouraged me to fight the urge to keep rewriting the first part of What Luck and just write a rough draft until it’s finished. She promised to bug me with online messages to help me keep going. I appreciate that – I need to stay on track until the book is finally done! It would be a great accomplishment if I could finish it by the June conference. So that’s my new goal – I hope I make it!
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